Bart Simpson's Literary Works

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1. I will not waste chalk.
   
2. I will not skateboard in the halls.
   
3. I will not instigate revolution.
   
4. I will not draw naked ladies in class.
   
5. I did not see Elvis.
   

6. I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes."
   
7. Garlic gum is not funny.
   
8. They are laughing at me, not with me.
   
9. I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.
   
10. I will not encourage others to fly.
    

11. I will not fake my way through life.
    
12. Tar is not a plaything.
    
13. I will not Xerox my butt.
    
14. It's potato, not potatoe. (In reference to Dan Quayle).
    
15. I will not trade pants with others.
    

16. I am not a 32 year old woman. (i.e., Nancy Cartwright, Bart's voice, is not a 10-year-old boy).
    
17. I will not do that thing with my tongue.
    
18. I will not drive the principal's car.
    
19. I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
    
20. I will not sell school property.
    

21. I will not burp in class.
    
22. I will not get very far with this attitude.
    
23. I will not belch the National Anthem.
    
24. I will not sell land in Florida.
    
25. I will not cut corners. (Actually appear as below).
    
    I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS
    " " " " " "
    " " " " " "
    

26. I will not grease the monkey bars.
    
27. I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
    
28. I will not do anything bad ever again.
    
29. I will not show off. (Written in an "Olde English" style font).
    
30. I will not sleep through my education.
    

31. I am not a dentist.
    
32. Spitwads are not free speech.
    
33. Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
    
34. High explosives and school don't mix.
    
35. Hamsters cannot fly.
    

36. I will not bribe Principal Skinner.
    
37. I will not squeak chalk.
    
38. I will finish what I sta (One line only, the rest is blank).
    
39. "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
    
40. Underwear should be worn on the inside.
    

41. The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
    
42. I will not torment the emotionally frail.
    
43. I will not send lard through the mail.
    
44. I will not use abbrev.
    
45. Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal.
    

46. Indian burns are not our cultural heritage.
    
47. I will not dissect things unless instructed.
    
48. I will not hang donuts on my person.
    
49. No one wants to hear my armpits.
    
50. I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface.
    

51. I will not celebrate meaningless milestones. (The 100th episode).
    
52. I will not strut around like I own the place.
    
53. Next time it could be me on the scaffolding.
    
54. The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far.
    
55. I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist.
    

56. I am not a lean mean spitting machine.
    
57. The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan.
    
58. I will not whittle hall passes out of soap.
    
59. Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things.
    
60. I do not have power of attorney over first graders.
    

61. Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does.
    
62. I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis, Jr.
    
63. I am not certified to remove asbestos.
    
64. "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice.
    
65. I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball.
    

66. I will remember to take my medication.
    
67. The boys room is not a water park.
    
68. Beans are neither fruit nor musical.
    
69. Nerve gas is not a toy.
    
70. "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism.
    

71. The First Amendment does not cover burping.
    
72. Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough.
    
73. I will not carve gods.
    
74. I will not spank others.
    
75. I will not aim for the head.
    

76. I will not barf unless I'm sick
77. I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
    
78. I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
    
79. I will not conduct my own fire drills.
    
80. Funny noises are not funny.
    

81. I will not snap bras.
    
82. I will not fake seizures.
    
83. This punishment is not boring and pointless.
    
84. My name is not Dr. Death.
    
85. I will not defame New Orleans. (After a complaint from New Orleans).
    

86. I will not prescribe medication.
    
87. I will not bury the new kid.
    
88. I will not teach others to fly.
    
89. I will not bring sheep to class.
    
90. A burp is not an answer.
    

91. Teacher is not a leper.
    
92. Coffee is not for kids. (Each line becomes less legible, the last line is a scrawl).
    
93. I will not eat things for money.
    
94. I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
    
95. The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
    

96. I will not call the principal "spud head."
    
97. Goldfish don't bounce.
    
98. Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
    
99. No one is interested in my underpants.
    
100. I will not sell miracle cures.
     

101. I will return the seeing-eye dog.
     
102. I do not have diplomatic immunity.
     
103. I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
     
104. I will never win an Emmy. (After the show wasn't nominated for an Emmy).
     
105. The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
     

106. All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
     
107. I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
     
108. I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
     
109. My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man. (In reference to "The Fugitive").
     
110. I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
     

111. I am not deliciously saucy.
     
112. Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
     
113. There are plenty of businesses like show business.
     
114. Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.